I thought I knew what happiness meant.
Until last week, when I decided to take an actual break.
Not the kind where I tell myself I’m taking a break but end up doing things anyway.
But a real one — where I just exist.
I’m grateful I could do that, because it reminded me what the happy me sounds like, and what she feels like.
I read books, telling myself just one more chapter.
I listened to music — something I’ve only used as background noise for I don’t know how long.
And I started breaking into song, sometimes even dance, at the slightest hint of a lyric or a rhyme.
“Nahi hoga” became kaati raat maine kheton mein, tu aayi nayi.
“Can you turn on the light?” became
Flashing lights, I ain’t got a worry on my mind,
Know that you’re mad, I realized,
That I don’t need ya, I don’t need ya.
(“Confetti” by Little Mix)
“Be careful” became
Something ‘bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman.
“It tastes really nice” became
Super Machi
Among many others.
When I practiced my Kuchipudi routine, I felt alive — like I never have before.
My smile feels different.
My skin feels different.
My heart feels different.
It’s nice to be reminded of what happiness actually feels like.
And I will hold on to it for dear life.
Anushka's Bookish Shenanigans 